Stempkowski's New Place(s): The Details

A couple of weeks ago, I got to break the news that Robert Stempkowski, chef at Urban Campfire in Tempe, was going to get his own digs going once more. He's done with logistical details, and now I can tell you just where he's going to be this summer. Like a great number of chefs these days, he's doing pop-up dining!

The first venue is going to be the Days Inn on Camelback and 5th Avenue, doing barbecue poolside on Saturday, May 21 from 11 AM to 7 PM. I have yet to check out the venue myself, but Stempkowski describes it as "retro-chic", with the current restaurant proprietors, Italian restaurant Raimondo's, "dripping with disco-era vibe". Sounds like fun!

After the day at Days Inn, the calendar at Welcome Diner fills in a little more with Stempkowski taking over the tiny kitchen (and setting up his smoker out back) on Fridays and Saturdays all summer, starting in June and going through August. He'll be doing long days there with lunch and dinner, 11 AM until 9 PM. From what I can tell, Payton Curry will still be at Welcome Diner Sunday through Tuesday at least through June.

Now to wait ten more days until the Days Inn gig...

Good Drinking: The Margarita

It looks like it's getting into margarita season. Tonight at work was on the slow side, and two people ordered them in a matter of fifteen minutes. At most bars that would be commonplace; when the house specialty is elaborate rum drinks, a frequency like that makes you sit up and take notice.

One of my guests said he wanted his margarita made the old-fashioned way, with agave syrup. Where oh where did people get this idea that the original margarita was made with agave syrup? It's even used by usually reliable food authority Alton Brown in his margarita recipe (the recipe is all kinds of wrong besides the agave syrup)! The only agave in a margarita should be fermented and distilled into tequila. Agave syrup is a very recent addition to the bartenders' stock; I hadn't heard of it when I first got behind the stick way back in 2007. Then out of nowhere, here's bottles of agave syrup (usually called agave nectar to make it sound more appealing), and people claiming that the original margarita uses agave syrup to sweeten in place of triple sec. What. The. Hell.

Folks, I'm going to say something that's going to pain a lot of amateur and professional mixologists: Stop using agave nectar. Its flavor profile is about as neutral as simple syrup. At $5 for a 12-ounce bottle of it, it's a hell of a lot more expensive than plain simple syrup, and more expensive by the ounce than a standard-grade triple sec! I'll let you finish what you have behind your bar since it isn't as abhorrent as bottled margarita mix or sweet and sour (you should only use these if you wish to ruin whatever cocktail you make with them), but once you've gone through your stock, just use simple syrup when you want sweetness, and use triple sec in your margaritas. It's how people have made them for decades, and it's how they should be made.

Recipe: THE Margarita

1½ ounces tequila blanco

1 ounce triple sec

½ ounce freshly squeezed lime juice

Shake everything with ice cubes. Strain into a salt-rimmed cocktail glass, or strain over fresh ice cubes in a salt-rimmed rocks glass.

Frozen is not an option, even when it's blazing hot outside. All that ice gets in the way of tasting your drink. If you prefer a sweeter margarita, add a little simple syrup to taste; I find ¼ ounce does the trick. If you prefer your margarita more tart, just add a little more lime juice.

Oh, while I'm on this soapbox: The salt rim. Countless margaritas around the world have been ruined by those damned salt rimmer gizmos. You've seen them before: There's a plastic dish with a sponge soaked in (Rose's) lime juice, and another dish full of kosher salt. The bartender squishes the glass into the lime sponge, rubs the moistened rim of the glass around in the salt, and voilà, the glass's rim is salted. There's one problem with this, and it's a biggie: There's now a bunch of salt on the inside of the glass. As soon as the bartender puts the glass down, a bunch of the salt shakes loose and lands on the bottom of the glass. Then when they fill the glass, the rest of the salt comes off. The result is a drink that will be mostly salt with the first sip of a straw. Eeeeew. Let me show you the way I learned, the One True Way:

THE Way to Rim a Cocktail Glass with Salt or Sugar

Rub a piece of lemon or lime (e.g. the lime you had to cut in half to get the juice for your margarita) around the outside of your glass to lightly coat the rim with juice. Holding the glass sideways, dip the rim of the glass into a shallow dish of sugar or kosher salt, rotating the glass to cover the entire rim. Hold the glass upside down over the sink, and tap the glass a couple of times to knock loose any excess salt or sugar. Turn the glass right-side-up, and proceed with your recipe.

If you expect to use a great deal of rimmed glasses in an evening (such as for a cocktail party featuring margaritas), you can rim your glasses well in advance; the salt will stay put. Don't know whether someone wants salt on the glass or not? Easy, elegant solution: Rim only half of the glass. If you want to get fancy with your drinks and rim the glass with something novel such as shredded coconut on a piña colada, or graham cracker crumbs on a key lime pie cocktail, or maybe even tiny candies like Nerds or Pop Rocks? You'll use something close to the typical method. All you need is a shallow dish of honey, and another dish of the ingredient for the rim. Dip the rim of the glass in the honey, then into the rimming ingredient. There is a certain knack to this; too much honey gets messy fast, while not enough honey leaves you with an empty rim. And make sure the ingredient is in tiny pieces; for something like shredded coconut you might want to chop the shreds up finer with a knife or a couple of pulses in a food processor.

Coming (Back) Soon: Stempkowski's Own Restaurant

About three and a half years ago, local chef Robert Stempkowski opened his own restaurant after a good number of years working in Phoenix's finest kitchens. It was called Urban Campfire, and it was terrific. I yammered very enthusiastically about it to almost everyone I knew. It was a casual restaurant near ASU. Stempkowski cooked barbecue and smoked meats with a master's touch. Along with the great dishes came little fine dining touches with down-home flair, such as a deviled egg amuse-bouche, and Otter Pop mignardises. Then, he and the guy with the money behind the operation had a falling out; Stempkowski was gone. Without its driving force, the kitchen fell hard. The smoke in the meat disappeared, the meats were tougher, the macaroni and cheese's sauce broke... everything that came out of the kitchen showed they just didn't care anymore. Shortly after, the Campfire went out. Stempkowski stayed in the industry, this time working in the front of the house at notable local restaurants like noca and Rokerij.

Then today, I woke to an email from none other than Robert Stempkowski. It turns out he's getting set to open his own place again. The idea is going to be pretty similar, with a number of dishes from Urban Campfire making their return. There's also going to be some new things including smoked meats to-go and homemade sausage, a summertime snow cone bar (Is it too much to hope a liquor license will be involved?), and some Polish smokehaus-style comfort cuisine. Best of all, this time he's running the show all by himself.

Ya think I'm a little excited about all this? Oh, hell yes. Look for the new place to open in central Phoenix some time in May. And of course, look here for more details as Robert lets me know.

Event: Grow Your Own Mushrooms!

One of the interesting things about running a food blog is that you get emails from all kinds of people hawking all kinds of different events. For the most part, they aren't all that exciting (a couple of chain restaurants suggesting they're the perfect place for everything from Easter brunch to Valentine's Day), or don't have much to do with food to begin with (TV shows with a restaurant as a main setting). But every now and then, something genuinely interesting and cool comes along, and you want to tell lots of people about it. It's been a while, but this is one of those times.

On the 26th of April at 6:30 pm at SkySong (the ASU facility anchored by the Cirque du Soleil big top looking thing on Scottsdale and McDowell), the nice folks at Maker Bench will present a class about growing your own culinary mushrooms. They will show you how to culture and grow oyster mushrooms right in your kitchen. Even if you don't have a green thumb, . Once you have the hang of it with oyster mushrooms, you can grow whatever other fungi your heart desires... Shiitakes, morels, the list goes on. Even better, attending the event is FREE. They're even nice enough to provide dinner! They have kits available for sale with everything you need; they're $99 if you register by the 19th, and $129 after that.

If you're interested (I sure am!) just go to the event's webpage to sign up.

Recipe: Jester's Own Orgeat!

A couple weeks ago, I published on here a work in progress recipe for orgeat syrup. After some more testing, I now have the finalized version for you.

1 pound blanched whole almonds

2 cups filtered or bottled water, plus some extra

4 cups sugar

OPTIONAL INGREDIENTS:

1 oz vodka

1/8 tsp rose water

1/8 tsp orange flower water

Pulse almonds in food processor until coarsely ground. Alternatively, put almonds in a Ziploc freezer bag and beat the hell out of them with a rolling pin until coarsely ground. Combine almonds, water, and ½ cup of the sugar in a saucepan. Heat mixture until at a rolling boil. Remove from heat, and let stand overnight.

The next day, pour mixture through a double layer of cheesecloth (or a nylon straining bag from a homebrewing supply store). Twist cloth closed over almonds, and squeeze out as much almond water as possible. Add extra water to bring volume of liquid to 2 cups. Add remaining sugar, and heat until ALL of the sugar is fully dissolved. Let cool to room temperature. Add optional vodka and flower waters. Mix well, and store in the refrigerator. Will keep a few days without the vodka, a few weeks with.

The almond oils will separate in storage. To use, break up the oil layer with a chopstick if necessary, and shake well until fully dissolved.

Who knows, maybe soon I'll revise the recipe again soon. I'm inspired by gomme syrup, a pre-Prohibition version of simple syrup. It has a little gum arabic in there to stabilize the solution (keep crystals from forming), and has the added benefit of lending a silky mouthfeel. The gum arabic will serve triple duty in the orgeat since it will also keep the flavorful oils suspended in solution.

For the person who needs it

Don't know how secretive this person is being, but a request came via Twitter message for tiki punch for a party. This is going to be too long for 140 characters no matter how much I abbreviate.

Trader Vic's Tahitian Rum Punch For 100:

The day before your party, put 2 pounds of brown sugar in a VERY large vessel. Squeeze 5 dozen oranges, 4 dozen lemons, and 3 grapefruit, all medium-sized fruits. Add the juices and spent shells to the vessel, and mix well. Peel and slice 10 bananas, and add them to the mix. Add 2 sprigs of mint and 10 bottles of dry white wine. Let stand overnight. The next day, strain out the solids. Add 6 bottles of light Puerto Rican rum and 1 bottle of dark Jamaican rum. Stir well. Pour over a large block of ice in a punch bowl or barrel, and let chill.

When I said a very large vessel, I wasn't whistlin' Dixie; the final quantity is about six gallons. Yes, you have to have completely fresh-squeezed fruit. Enlist friends with electric juicers to help if you need to. This won't be the same with bottled juice. When selecting wine, just about any dry white will work except oaky ones. As for rum, no need to knock yourself out with the super-premium ones when they have to compete with all that juice and wine, but still get something decent. I'd go with my workhorse Cruzan (yes, it's from the British Virgin Islands, but it's what I use when the recipe calls for Puerto Rican rum) for the light rum, and either Myers's or Coruba for the dark rum. For a little extra flair with the ice, fill balloons with 1 pint of water, place them in (on?) a teacup to keep the shape, and freeze. Then, peel the balloon off, rinse off the powder coating from the balloon interior, and use in place of the blocks of ice.

Cooking: Blanching Your Own Almonds

I went out to get myself some blanched whole almonds the other day so I can (finally) get to work on my Mk II Jester's Own Orgeat.

I take back what I said in the original orgeat post regarding the availability of blanched whole almonds. You can't find the damn things anywhere.

At least, nowhere I looked. Wouldn't surprise me if AJ's has them (at their usual exorbitant upcharge), or the mega-Fry's up on Tatum and Shea (but I refuse to shop at places that have those goddamn loyalty cards, but that's a whole other post)... Maybe I should have ducked my head into a Middle Eastern grocer? Anyway, I bought myself a pound of raw almonds from Trader Joe's, and easily turned them into a pound of blanched almonds. Here's how, it's a piece of cake.

Get some water boiling in a saucepan. How much water, you ask? About enough to cover the almonds by an inch or two. The easiest way to figure this out is to put your almonds in the empty pan, fill with water to the desired level, then remove the almonds. Once the water is boiling, put the almonds in the boiling water. Cook for about 30 seconds. Drain the almonds, and either rinse the almonds under cold water or transfer them to an ice bath to stop the cooking. Then, just pick up an almond and squeeze the big end. The skin should slip right off. Aim towards a bowl with a clean dish towel in it. The dish towel will both dry the almonds, and help keep the skinned almond from shooting across the room.

Now that you have your freshly blanched almonds, proceed as previously directed with the recipe. Salud!

Mailbag: Homemade Orgeat

UPDATE 3/17/2011: I've done more testing; the recipe is all finished (for now). Check it out here! This version will stay up for posterity's sake.

UPDATE 3/7/2011: I made two batches by this recipe, a beta 1 by this recipe and a beta 2 with twice the almonds. Neither one came out with much of any almond flavor. There were a couple of hiccups during the first round of testing, so I think I'll retest this before going back to the drawing board, probably by adding even more almonds.

Some time this morning while I was slumbering, a bottle with a note inside washed up on the shore just steps from the back door of Casa de Jester. I popped the cork, slid out the note, and the magnificent calligraphy read:

Would you be so kind as to tell us about how one makes orgeat from scratch?
--Volstead's Conundrum

Why of course, Mr. (Ms.?) Conundrum, I would be delighted. First, a little background information: Orgeat is an almond-flavored syrup that is a tiki bar mainstay. Victor "Trader Vic" Bergeron favored it, using it in such famous drinks as the Scorpion, the Samoan Fog Cutter, and his magnum opus, the Mai Tai. While there are numerous commercial orgeat syrups (including one made by Trader Vic's), making it at home is pretty simple.

Oh, a little secret: This is a work in progress, my untested Mk II version. If you make it, let me know how it turns out.

Start out with ½ pound of blanched whole almonds. Blanched slivered almonds are a poor substitute; they are inevitably stale. If you can't find blanched whole almonds, you can blanch your own; the technique is readily available online. You can use raw almonds with the skins as a shortcut, but you'll end up with a tan colored syrup instead of the opalescent white color orgeat should have. You may be tempted to toast the almonds for a deeper flavor. Don't do it! At least, not if you're trying to make orgeat. You'll get toasted almond syrup. Mind you, toasted almond syrup is quite delicious, it just isn't the desired end result. Anyway, chop up the almonds any way you see fit. A knife works well, a food processor will do it in a blink, a Ziploc bag and rolling pin is fine too. Don't worry about precision; some of the pieces can be coarsely chopped while others are close to powder. Add 1 cup of sugar and a quart of bottled or filtered water to the pot. Bring it to a boil, remove it from the heat, and let rest 12 hours.

Next step: strain out the almonds. Put a double layer of cheesecloth in a strainer, and pour the almond mixture into it. Once the liquid has stopped draining out, twist the cheesecloth closed over the top and squeeze out all the liquid you can. If you're feeling perfectionistic, you can give it a second straining through a coffee filter, but the cheesecloth should do just fine. Pour the almond liquid back into the pot, and add 7 cups of sugar. Heat this until the sugar is completely dissolved. Make sure that all the sugar is dissolved, but don't let it boil! There are consequences to be had either way! If the liquid doesn't get hot enough, the sugar will crystallize into almond rock candy. If it gets too hot, you'll have a very sticky boil-over on your hands. Bad juju either way. Once the sugar is completely dissolved, take the mixture off the heat and let cool to room temperature. Once it's cooled, add in rose water and orange flower water to taste. The taste of the flower waters should be a subtle background note. If it tastes like orange flowers or roses, there's too much in there. At this point, If you wish you can add a shot or so of vodka to the syrup to act as a preservative. Pour the cooled syrup into bottles, and store it in the fridge.

When homemade orgeat syrup sits, the flavorful oils will separate from the sugar syrup. Just insert a chopstick to break up the top layer, then put the cap back on and shake vigorously until the mixture is homogeneous once more.

There are some things I need to test on future versions. Foremost is the amount of almonds. I plan to test this by making a batch with ½ pound of almonds and another batch with 1 pound of almonds, then combining equal parts of those to see how a batch made with ¾ pound of almonds works. I also need to get a precise amount for the flower waters down. And it will be fun to test the effect on taste of various preservative spirits. Vodka will be neutral, but cognac or silver rum may add pleasant notes.

Now that I've told you all that, I'll tell you the quick-and-dirty version: Buy almond milk at a health food store (it's next to the soy milk), mix 1½ parts sugar to 1 part almond milk (2:1 if your almond milk is unsweetened), heat until all the sugar has dissolved, and once cooled add rose and orange flower waters to taste. Since commercial almond milk has soy lecithin as an emulsifier, it will not separate like homemade orgeat.

So to the elusive figures behind Volstead's Conundrum, there's your orgeat from scratch. I bid you, and everyone reading, good drinking.

Speaking of good drinking, you didn't think I'd leave you without things to do with your freshly made orgeat, did you?

Trader Vic's Original Mai Tai
Juice of one large lime (about 3/4 ounce)
2 ounces aged dark Jamaican rum
¼ ounce orgeat
¼ ounce rock candy syrup (simple syrup made 2 parts sugar to 1 part water)
½ ounce orange Curaçao
Shake everything with crushed ice. Pour into a double rocks glass, and garnish with a mint sprig and spent lime half.

Momisette
1½ ounces absinthe (or pastis)
½ ounce orgeat
Sparkling water to fill
Build in a Collins glass with ice cubes, stir gently.


Orgeat syrup is fun to play with. You can substitute orgeat syrup for some or all of a syrup ingredient (e.g. simple syrup, grenadine, etc.) in your favorite drink recipes. Yes, you can substitute it for grenadine. You'll have a different drink, but that's the idea! And don't stop at cocktails... Orgeat-sweetened coffee, iced tea, lemonade... the mind reels.

Scottsdale Sushi Fans: Good News!

Some years ago, I had the very good fortune to visit Shinbay, an incredible one-man show of a sushi restaurant, run by chef Shinji Kurita. This was one of the best meals I've had anywhere. I still remember a number of the delicious tastes even years later. Then one day it closed up, and aside from a short stint at Autumn Court, little was heard of chef Shinji Kurita again. I still wondered about his whereabouts here and there. Well, wonder no more. Late last night, a couple of anonymous comments were left on an old blog post here that Kurita-san is bringing back Shinbay in a couple of months, this time in the Scottsdale Seville shopping center on the northeast corner of Scottsdale Road and Indian Bend. A quick look at the Scottsdale Seville website confirms the news.

Sushi lovers, this is possibly better news than when Nobuo Fukuda opened his eponymous restaurant at Teeter House. Part of me hopes the exclusive service style (the original restaurant served no more than six guests at once, and almost exclusively served omakase dinners) will remain, but another part of me hopes I can just drop in whenever I want instead of making a reservation a couple of days in advance.

'Tis the Season for Hot Buttered Rum

One of my Twitter pals recently was recommended a delightful remedy for a sore throat: Hot buttered rum. It's one of my favorite parts of chilly nights, and it's dead simple to make! The first thing to do is to make the hot buttered rum batter. All you need are:

1 stick butter, softened
1/2 pound dark brown sugar (or 1 cup plus a little extra if you don't feel like weighing it)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1 pinch salt

Mix it all together well (the KitchenAid mixer for about 3 or 4 minutes on medium comes in handy here, but a wooden spoon and bowl will work too), and store it in the fridge. As far as I can tell, it keeps indefinitely; I've left a forgotten batch in the back of the fridge for over a year and it still tasted just fine.

Now that you have your batter, making the hot buttered rum itself goes much faster. Get out an Irish coffee glass or a favorite small coffee mug (8 ounces works pretty well). Add 1 ounce light rum, a generous teaspoonful of the hot buttered rum batter, and top up the mug with boiling hot water (the cold ingredients will bring it down to a drinkable temperature). Garnish with a cinnamon stick, and you're good to go. For bonus points at outdoor gatherings, have everything you need out near the fire (with hot water in a thermal carafe), and keep a poker in the fire. When you serve up a hot buttered rum, dip the poker in the finished drink to give it a little extra warmth. Naturally, if you do this, don't fill the cups all the way to the rim! The hot buttered rum batter is nicely versatile; most any dark spirit works well. Hot buttered Scotch or Bourbon are both very nice.

I feel somewhat compelled to mention: Be conservative with the booze for hot buttered rum. If you make big mugs of hot buttered rum, the second half of the drink will be Lukewarm Buttered Rum, something not nearly as enjoyable. Heat brings out alcohol flavors, and the rum will quickly dominate if you try to add more to a normal size drink. Most importantly, hot drinks are mighty potent relaxation devices, and you don't want your whole party to fall asleep.

Mailbag: Turkey Time!

Brenda from Utah sent via carrier pigeon this missive:

So what are your best tips for cooking Thanksgiving turkey? Nothing fancy, just flavorful and not dry.

The classic Thanksgiving dilemma. So many people eat turkey on Thanksgiving, and so rarely does it come out tasting as good as it looks. Good news: The secrets are simpler than you think.

The biggest thing for a moist bird: Don't overcook it. Most birds come with a little pop-up thermometer thingie. It's cute, but using it means that your turkey is going to suck. The pop-up thermometer goes off at 185°, guaranteeing breast meat as dry as chalk. Get a digital probe thermometer like the excellent ThermoWorks Cooking Thermometer and use that. The meat should register 160° in both the thigh and breast. Usually the breast meat races ahead of the thigh meat; you can mitigate this some by filling a gallon Ziploc bag with ice cubes and draping it over the breast for 20 minutes to half an hour while you heat up the oven. Also on this topic, as tasty as stuffing cooked inside the turkey is, cook the stuffing on the side. If you stuff the bird, the stuffing has to also hit 160°, and the turkey itself will be way overcooked by that point. If you insist on stuffing the bird, put it in a covered dish in the microwave, and zap it, stirring every couple of minutes, until the temperature of it is 130° throughout.

Second thing for a moist bird and biggest thing for a flavorful bird: Brining. Introducing salt to the meat will both keep the bird moist, and make it taste better. Most supermarket birds are already brined. There will be something on the label mentioning it, usually saying something like "Moisture enhanced with up to 10% of a solution". Don't brine these, you'll end up with a bird that is closer to a salt lick. Just take it out of its package the night before cooking and let it sit uncovered in the refrigerator so the skin can dry a little for crisper skin on the finished product. If your turkey has not been brined, then brining it will greatly improve it. Lots of people brine theirs by putting it in a salt water solution, but I find this to be a huge pain in the ass when doing it with something as big as a turkey. I prefer to use a method I do for roast chickens: dry brining. Just sprinkle salt (about 3/4 teaspoon per pound, be generous) and pepper all over the bird two or three days in advance, and let it rest covered loosely in the refrigerator. If you want, before sprinkling on the salt, loosen the skin on the breast and thighs, and slide a few sprigs of herbs (thyme, rosemary, sage, what have you) underneath.

Glad you asked, Brenda! Thank you!

If you have a cooking conundrum of your own, just drop me a line and I'll be glad to help you out.

The Jester Eats Las Vegas: Part I

*taps the microphone* Er... is this thing on? OK, so I've been neglecting the blog in favor of Twitter lately. Then, recently, for no good reason, the visitors here doubled in a week. I'm not questioning it, just appreciative, so I might as well give you something new to read since I just got home from a wonderful trip to Las Vegas.

Things started out down in Tempe with a quick breakfast at the new version of Stan's Metro Deli on Mill, up on the north end of the street on a corner I swear is cursed. I've seen so many things come and go from there that I don't hold much faith anymore for whatever decides to go in on that corner. I think Stan's is going to do pretty well if breakfast is any indication. The kitchen was having some new restaurant teething issues; the food came out slower than we had hoped, but the manager handled the situation well by bringing out some complimentary fresh fruit for us to nibble on. I opted for the #2 "Bob Parks Gallery" omelet, stuffed with Cheddar, bacon, and green chiles. Once it came out, I had no complaints; it was a good solid omelet, with decent potatoes and a little more fruit to round out the plate. With our bellies full, we hopped into the Jestermobile and took off for Vegas.

One of my scheduled pit stops on the way to Vegas was beautiful downtown Wikieup, home of Eat At Joe's Barbecue, some of the finest barbecue this state has to offer. We were feeling only a little peckish, so the plan was to split something small and get back on the road. Alas, our pit stop was cut short by a dark restaurant and a sign in the window saying they were on vacation until well after we would return home. Heads hanging a little low, we hit the road cursing the lack of Mojave Greens on this trip.

Fast forward a few hours, and we were now in the heart of Las Vegas. After a quick run to Gambler's General Store to pick up some pai gow dominoes (a game I've taken quite a fascination with lately), we had gone from a bit peckish to absolutely famished. My usual plan when I hit Vegas is to make a beeline for one of the finest coffee shops in all the land, the Peppermill Restaurant. However, my stomach had other plans. You see, it had been over a year and a half since my previous Vegas vacation, and therefore it had been that long since I had the amazing Frrrozen Hot Chocolate from Serendipity 3 at Caesars Palace. After a short wait for a table, we got ourselves a table on the patio overlooking the Strip, giving us the perfect vantage point to play Thong/Not A Thong/Not A Thing with the passersby below. Thanks to a Foursquare check-in, we got a couple of $4 welcome blueberry martinis, which were a tad on the sweet side and tasted more of generic berry than specifically blueberries. I was a bit disappointed that management had trimmed some of the more fun stuff from the menu, such as the Macaroni & Cheese Pizza I had last time (they still serve mac & cheese, how hard would it be to throw it on a pizza crust?) and the infamous Bachelorette Hot Dog. The Frrrozen Hot Chocolate tasted as good as it did last time, but it wasn't blended long enough, and chunks of ice that got stuck in the straw marred the texture of the drink. My friend Scott went for the ABC burger, where the ABC stood for Avocado, Brie, and Caramelized onion, served with sweet potato fries. I had heard good things about their Caesar salad, so we decided to split both the burger and the salad. After a bit more of a wait than I would have liked (apparently the management's efforts to streamline the kitchen didn't go as planned), the food hit the table, and it was good. The burger had some stiff competition from Burger Bar down at Mandalay, and as I figured, Burger Bar is still my champion for Las Vegas burgers. The one here was good, don't get me wrong, but Burger Bar just plain nails it. I think that the brie was somewhat misplaced, here more for its initial than anything else. The Caesar salad was a good textbook Caesar, with plenty of croutons (pity they were the standard boxed ones) and Parmesan shavings to accent the assertive dressing. Part of the allure of the Caesar is that it comes with a giant crouton almost the size of a Rubik's cube. Well, it at least looks like a crouton; it was more of a piece of very thick extra-crispy garlic toast. I think the next time I'm in Vegas, I'll take a look to see if they've brought any of the fun dishes back to the menu before I sit down. If they haven't, I'll take my Frrrozen Hot Chocolate to go.

Review: Smashburger, Tempe AZ

Jeez, it's about time I updated this thing. JUNE? Really? Pioneer Woman churns out updates with LOTS of photos every single day, and I can't be bothered to write about a restaurant or cooking for six months. At least I got to meet PW on her book tour. She's an awfully nice lady. Anyway, the title of this post isn't What The Hell The Jester's Been Up To All This Time (hint about other things that happened: Aim your car's airbag at your chest, not your face), it's about a brand new burger place in the heart of Tempe.

Before Smashburger even opened, there were press releases in my inbox about this brand new burger place opening on campus just yards away from long-time (Over 278 Sold!) college favorite The Chuckbox. When I looked at their website and saw that they are hellbent on opening franchised locations across the country, I was a little nervous. When I saw that it was opening in the same strip of restaurants that included such dreary options as Port of Subs and Panda Express, I would have bet you pot brownies to pound cake that Smashburger would be anything but a smash hit.

My friend Blaze and I wandered in on an unseasonably warm autumn Arizona evening. I was in the mood for something classic, so I got their 1/3 lb. Classic Smashburger (American cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, pickle, ketchup, and Smash sauce on an egg bun; $4.99) and an order of Smashfries ($1.79 when ordered with a burger, $2.79 a la carte), which are fries tossed with garlic and herbs. Blaze was feeling as fiery as ever, so she went for the Arizona Smashburger (habañero jack, guacamole, lettuce, tomato, onion, fresh jalapeños, and chipotle mayo on a chipotle bun $5.99) in the same size. For her side, she was feeling a little healthy, so she went for the veggie frites ($2.99/$3.99). After a quick trip to the soda fountain (Woohoo, they have Coke Zero!), we settled into one of the booths by the window overlooking all of the nubile coeds and virile gents strolling up and down College Avenue.

A short time later (maybe a bit less time than one has to wait at the In-N-Out up Rural Road), our chow hit the table and our eyes lit up. The minimalist plating, a wax paper lined steel basket free of garnishes such as the silly shredded carrots and beets at Delux, only focused our attention on the matter at hand that much more. I flipped the toppings onto the bottom half of the burger and dug in. I was blown away. This burger was as close to perfection as I've seen. The patty had a nice sear on it but was still juicy, the toppings were fresh and crisp, and they gave the bun a good buttering and toasting before they assembled the whole thing. The fries were delicious too. But then, anything deep-fried and covered with garlic is going to be tasty. I think Blaze liked her burger. When I got up from the table to refill my beverage, I came back to see her burger GONE and she's staring like a starving hyena at what's left of my burger. I can only take that as a good sign. I quizzed her about it to make sure she didn't just inhale the thing. She said that the fresh jalapeños were much better than the canned ones you see on top of bad nachos, and that next time she's ordering it with extra jalapeño. She also remarked that she wasn't a fan of the chipotle bun because it didn't hold up all that well under the juicy burger and all the toppings. I'm not sure how she could figure that out; I think I couldn't have hummed the Jeopardy theme in the time it took her to devour that burger. She then set her eyes on the veggie frites, and took a bit more time to enjoy those. I was expecting to see a tempura style batter on the vegetable pieces, but instead the asparagus, green beans, and carrot sticks were fried au naturel, and finished with a sprinkle of salt and some ranch dressing for our dipping pleasure. We were both quite fans of these. The frying helped caramelize the natural sugars in the veggies, and gave them quite a delicious flavor. They weren't crispy like the Smashfries were (of course they weren't, these veggies aren't high in starch like Russet potatoes), but they certainly weren't cooked to death either. I look forward to future visits to see if a normal side salad can be as interesting.

The total bill for both of us was just shy of $20. While that's fairly high for a quick-service burger joint, I still felt it was a great value. The burgers were better than they had any right to be for a burgeoning nationwide chain, and everything else about the place was just right. I'm quite curious about their salads and hot dogs to see if they're up to the same par as the burgers. Maybe I can convince myself to try one of their Häagen-Dazs milkshakes by getting myself a salad for my entree so the two can cancel each other out.

Red Mango Scottsdale: NOW OPEN!

Good news for all of you fans of Korean style tangy frozen yogurt: The original, Red Mango, has finally opened its first Phoenix area outpost. It's on the northwest corner of Scottsdale and Loop 101, adjacent to Panda Express and Subway. This is a soft opening; the grand opening is June 20th. If you enjoy froyo, go check 'em out. Be warned, it's adictive stuff. I went last night, had myself a medium original (best described as yogurt-flavored frozen yogurt) topped with raspberries and mochi. I didn't even make it to the freeway before I found myself making a beeline right back to Red Mango for a little more.

I got Name-Dropped!

"[The Jester]. . .concocts the best Mai Tai outside the Hawaiian Islands."
--Scottsdale Examiner

Yeah, it was pretty much a puff piece, but I'm still taking the quote and running with it.

I Got A Grill!

Not just any grill, mind you. I went and got myself a Big Green Egg. It's sort of the home version of the Chinese wood-fired oven we use at work. The main difference is that the BGE goes back to Japan, while the Chinese wood-fired oven is, well... Chinese. I have some beer-butt chicken going right now (wherein one takes a can of beer and jams it up a chicken's back end, creating an impromptu vertical roaster) and some baked potatoes. After that, I'm going to turn up the heat and bake a loaf of bread. There was temptation to also make some peach cobbler, but I'll save that for another time. Wish me luck!

Recipe: Monsoon Chili

If you've been reading the blog for a while, you know that one of my most often used cookbooks in my kitchen is the Nantucket Open-House Cookbook by Sarah Leah Chase. There are some seriously good recipes in there. Several of her Thanksgiving ideas turned into traditions last year. A couple of days ago, I got in the mood for chili, so I took a look at the recipe for Rainwater Chili and gave it a shot. Turns out it's some darn good chili. Much like Chase said in the book, it was even better the next day and makes for incredible nachos. There were a couple of things that I felt like changing a bit with the recipe, so I've taken those liberties and christened it for Arizona's most beloved source of rainwater, the monsoon.

1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
2 large Spanish onions, chopped

1 green bell pepper, seeded and diced
1 red or yellow bell pepper, seeded and diced
3 jalapeños, seeded and minced
5 cloves garlic, minced

1/4 cup chili powder
2 Tbsp ground cumin
2 Tbsp dried oregano
1 Tbsp sweet paprika
1 Tbsp hot paprika
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp turmeric
1 tsp ground coriander
1/2 tsp ground cardamom
3 Tbsp cocoa powder

2 lbs chuck roast, cut into 3/4 inch cubes (or 2 lbs ground chuck roast if you don't feel like cutting up all that meat)
3/4 lb sweet Italian sausage, casings removed
3/4 lb hot Italian sausage, casings removed

1-28 ounce can whole tomatoes
1-14 ounce can diced tomatoes
1/2 cup reposado tequila
1 bottle beer
2 cups chicken broth (or you can do what I do and cheat this with 2 teaspoons of chicken base)

Salt and fresh ground black pepper to taste

Heat oil over medium-high heat in a big pot (at least 5 quarts, preferably 6). Add onions and cook, stirring occasionally, until very soft, about 10 minutes.

Add peppers, jalapeños, and garlic, and cook, stirring occasionally, for another 7 minutes. Add all of the seasonings and cocoa and cook, stirring occasionally, until aromatic and dark, about 3 minutes. Remove pan from the heat.

While vegetables are cooking, brown beef and sausage, crumbling the meat up with a spoon, until no longer pink. Strain off excess fat, and add meat to pot. Return pot to medium heat. Stir in tomatoes (crush the whole tomatoes with the back of a spoon or your hands), tequila, beer, and chicken broth. Simmer uncovered for 60 minutes if you're using the chicken base, 90 minutes if you're using the broth. Check the seasonings near the end of the cooking time, and add salt and black pepper to taste.

Accompany the chili with your choice of sour cream, shredded cheese, diced onion, diced tomatoes, and diced avocados.

Why the chain disdain?

In the comments on my post about The Greek Wraps in Peoria, I got an excellent question from Sean of South Bend, Indiana. I think that answering a thoughtful question deserves a better fate than getting buried in a comment thread. Sean writes...

I wonder, though; do you have any favorable opinion of any of the chains? I've always thought that Chevy's did a servicable interpretation of TexMex and was a better experience overall than some of the local places and regional chains (ie Soranos in Mesa or Ajo Als). I still love Blue Nile Cafe any time I'm in town, and would tend to privilige an independtly owned, and especially chef driven, restaurant over a chain but chains (at least some of them) still have their virtues.

The main problem with most chain restaurants is that they are publicly held companies. Once a company does that, the big food decisions are no longer being made in the kitchen by the owners. They're being made by stockholders in boardrooms. The absolute best example is Cheesecake Factory. I still remember the first time I went to one. I got orange chicken, took a bite, and my very first thought of any food at Cheesecake Factory was "This used to taste better". You could just tell that anything someone might not like about the dish got tossed ("It's too spicy!" "It's too tart!"), and the end result was a pale ghost of what the dish could have been. Since the major decisions are now being made by marketing wonks who run focus groups, everything interesting about a dish gets tossed in favor of something safe. To me, it's a little bit like American Idol: The person who wins isn't necessarily the best singer, but the singer with the broadest mass appeal. Sure, the record may sound like every other pop record on the rack, but they know it's going to sell.

That right there is why massive chain restaurants are so popular: They're safe. You can walk into any Olive Garden in the country and know that the fettuccine Alfredo there is going to be exactly the same as the fettuccine Alfredo you have back home. The thing is, within ten minutes' driving time from each of these two Olive Garden locations on opposite sides of the country, the odds are good that there's going to be a mom-n-pop neighborhood red sauce joint that not only serves up Alfredo that's a million times better than the Alfredo at Olive Garden, but also happens to make a really mean veal scaloppine... or pizza quattro stagioni... or some other fabulous dish. And you know darn well that the mom and pop behind the restaurant can't believe that the line goes out the door at Olive Garden while there's always a table available at their place.

All this isn't to say that all chains suck... just the vast majority of them. There are some chains I do enjoy. In-N-Out Burger and Chik-Fil-A are both very good restaurants. Mimi's has been reliable for a great many years, especially at breakfast. This is one of the exceptions to publicly owned chains. This is because when Bob Evans bought them out, they didn't screw with the already successful formula very much. Moral of the story: If it ain't broke, don't fix it. I've heard Mimi's is shooting for a more upscale angle lately, but I haven't been in to check it out yet. As long as they keep serving mimosas, I'll be a happy camper. I will readily admit that I enjoy the occasional late-night breakfast at Waffle House. Yes, Waffle House. I wouldn't be caught dead there during the day, but going at 2 AM, getting taken care of by the world-weary chain-smoking waitress with a hair color not known in the natural world, while you tuck into a double order of hash browns topped with chili, tomatoes, cheese, onions, and god knows what else... there ain't nothing like it.

Like Sean said, Chevy's is pretty good, certainly a step above most chains. The problem around here with Chevy's is that good Mexican restaurants in Phoenix are a dime a dozen. Why bother with imitations when the real deal is right around the corner? I will agree that Chevy's is better than Serrano's and Ajo Al's, but then, I've always thought that Serrano's was the redheaded stepchild to other local chains such as Mi Amigo's and Macayo. Ajo Al's is solamente para las turistas.

Review: The Greek Wraps, Peoria AZ

Settling into the new house is going pretty well. The kitchen is ready for prime time, as is most of the house. The big game room in the back is currently finding use as an enormous walk-in storage unit. All of this busy work left me ready for a vacation, but those take a little planning and I wanted one NOW. Well, it's now past tense, so I suppose it would be better to say I wanted one RIGHT THEN, but that doesn't have the same punch as wanting it NOW, n'est-çe pas? Anyway, for the first time in several years there's actually a movie in theatres that I want to go see: Coraline in 3-D. I looked up movie times for it and it turns out that it's playing in 3-D at places all around the edge of town, plus Arizona Mills. Since I have friends up towards Peoria that I haven't seen in a while, I fired off an invitation to come see the movie with me and headed on my merry way up to the area of Arrowhead Towne Center.

A few moments after I picked up tickets for the late showing, my friends called to let me know that they already had people over but I was more than welcome to join them. Since I already had my ticket for the show, this was not an option. I now found myself with close to two hours to kill, and a completely open dance card. I stopped by the mall and made a beeline for See's to pillage the post-Valentine's Day chocolate. A couple of oversized chocolate Bordeaux hearts later, I found myself getting quite hungry. The food court looked as unappealing as ever, so I trekked out to survey the surrounding area.

A few moments of reconnaissance showed that selections in the area are awfully bleak. Turns out the Arrowhead area is the third circle of chain restaurant hell. Cheesecake Factory, PF Chang's, Chevy's, Buca di Beppo, Red Lobster, Olive Garden, you name it. Since I was on my own, I didn't want to succumb to mediocrity. I knew of a couple of places on the other side of the 101 along Union Hills, but I decided to see what I could find that was interesting and new. It turned out I wouldn't have to look for as long as I thought I would. There, tucked away in a strip mall (It's Arrowhead, there's nothing but strip malls and tract housing for miles!) on the southeast corner of 75th Avenue and Bell, was a decidedly non-chain looking sign for a place called The Greek Wraps. I pondered for a moment, decided gyros sounded like a tasty idea, and brought the Jestermobile in for a landing.

I arrived just in the nick of time, 15 minutes before closing. The place looked vaguely chain-y, but not overly so. I'd almost be willing to bet that a failed franchise (maybe two) didn't take root in the space, and all the new owners had to do was put up framed prints of the Greek isles. You wouldn't have guessed they were winding down the business day from the business level in the restaurant. There was a slow but steady stream of people coming in either for take-out or a quick sit-down bite. A look at the menu hanging over the counter showed the usual suspects: Shawarma, hummus, falafel, gyros, et cetera. The different offerings were available either as a sandwich (with sundry toppings, wrapped in pita bread; fries and drink are an optional extra) or as a plate (served with rice, hummus, and a small salad). The menu also showed something I was absolutely thrilled to see: They make their own pita bread. Not only do they make their own pita bread, they bake it fresh to order.

I perused the menu, and thought that steak shawarma ($6.99 for the 10" wrap; a smaller 7" pita is $5.75) sounded absolutely delicious. It's hard to resist when the menu says they use "The original recipe from back home". Turned out everyone else that day thought it sounded delicious too, as they were all out of it for the night. The chicken shawarma ($6.25 and $4.99, respectively) was made by the same recipe, so I went with that instead. A little extra nibble sounded nice, so I added on a falafel appetizer ($1 for two pieces). I put together an Arnold Palmer from the self-serve beverage machine (my only quibble is the iced tea is the pre-made Gold Peak instead of fresh-brewed), checked my watch to make sure I had enough time to make it to the theatre (I still had an hour to go), and a few minutes later my shawarma was ready.

The falafel was piping hot out of the fryer, just the way it should be. I think the fryer could have been a wee bit hotter as they were just a little bit oily, but not unpleasantly so. The shawarma was utterly divine. Their use of chicken thighs kept the meat flavorful and juicy. The shawarma marinade was vibrant, and the pita... oh, the pita. I can't even begin to tell you what a difference freshly made pita bread makes. I may have to come in for some hummus and a huge stack of pita bread some time soon, never mind that the place is 15 miles from my house. The fries were the archetype Greek restaurant fries, same ones you'll find at every other casual Greek place in town. They were hot and crisp, really can't ask much more than that from a fry, can you? All told, I was absolutely thrilled with the meal I had at The Greek Wraps. The people who run the place care about the product they put out, and it shows. I'm looking for any excuse to get back up towards Arrowhead just so I can try more things on the menu. Maybe I'll go see Coraline again...

Oh, speaking of Coraline, go catch it in theatres while you can... especially in 3D. It's a trip and a half.

Stopping for a drink: Hanny's, Phoenix AZ

I recently got together with a friend for dinner in downtown Phoenix, and remembered that I'd been wanting to stop in at Hanny's to check out the place. The food menu does look tempting, but as I'd just finished a rather hearty dinner, more sustenance was not on the bill. The place used to be a men's clothing store back in its day, and the new owners wisely kept some of the decorative touches, giving a certain urban sophistication that was much appreciated. As with the owners' other local restaurant, AZ88, the restrooms are almost worth the trip on their own. I can't imagine how much of a nightmare it would be to navigate one's way to the loo if you're three sheets to the wind. After perusing my surroundings, I sidled up to the bar and perused the cocktail selections, only to be promptly dismayed that there were no after-dinner libations. There was some temptation to try ordering a Stinger or a Rusty Nail (either of which would certainly befit the atmosphere), but I have a feeling that our bartender who appeared barely of drinking age would have given me a blank stare.

Further observation of the boy behind the stick leads me to believe that anything more than what was on the menu would be met with the aforementioned blank stare, as he proved himself to be out of his league. I ordered a Cosmopolitan, and watched him go to work. Out from the chiller came a pleasantly small Art Deco era size cocktail glass. I'm glad to see a cocktail glass that size. Huge drinks are a bad bet all around. The last half of the drink is room temperature, and you can't have more than one without having to be poured out the door. A cobbler shaker was produced, and was filled with ice. His hands were all over the ice in the shaker. I was tempted to give him a hell of a tongue-lashing about it, but I was with genteel company. Le sigh. He then continued to show his ineptitude by using the glass for my friend's gin & tonic as the ice scoop. I don't really need to mention this faux pas to the bartender. He'll learn his own lesson on a busy Friday night when he tries to scoop the ice with the glass, and it breaks into the ice. I've had to clean up that mess, and to say it is not pleasant is mild. With the freshly handled ice in the shaker, he then started pouring for a modern sized cocktail, i.e. too big for the small glass. He gave it four shakes. Bartenders, heed me well: Shake the hell out of your drinks! They're supposed to be freezing cold! If you think your hands are stuck to the shaker because it's so cold, you're doing it right. The cocktail was then poured to the brim in my glass, and I watched about a third of the potion go down the sink because there was no more room left in the glass. This was absolutely a crying shame. You made that much booze for me, why is such a significant portion of what should by MY drink going as an offering to Bacchus? The drink itself was, as is almost always the case, too sweet. It tasted less like the heavenly potion it should be, more like limeade. On the bright side, he didn't stub his toe on the cranberry juice like so many bartenders do.

I am tempted to return some time for the food, but after watching the bartender I'm not sure if I can bring myself to do so. If the people making things in the front of the house are either green behind the ears to the point that they should still be doing backbar (or worse, just don't care), I'm not sure I can trust the back of the house to do a significantly better job.